Monday, January 5, 2009

January 1, 2009

“A sheltered life can be a daring life as well
For all serious daring starts from within.”

Eurora Welty
(as quoted in Blessings
by Julia Cameron)



I love reading books about people who forgo their upright, entrenched lives and go to live in charming, sunny, foreign places. I have read and re-read, watched the videos and listened to the book on tape versions of “ A Year in Provence”, “Under the Tuscan Sun”, “Enchanted April” and “Without Reservations” more times than I can respectably admit.

But lately, the ever expanding list of armchair, ex-pat books have held no charm for me…I am impatient and bored as I face yet another tale of a delectable morning coffee, enjoyed in a picturesque setting, blissfully surrounded by the fumes of fresh baked bread.

Am I relinquishing my life long dream of a junior year abroad, now that I am about to become a full fledged senior?? Hardly likely.

No, what I am getting bored with is living with my own unfulfilled longings.

And, so what is holding me back??

My initial reaction is to feel daunted by the logistics of it all…but this is just a smokescreen. Once, in a family emergency, I was able to negotiate work obligations, find child care and pet care, make other domestic arrangements and be out the door in a matter of hours. No, I am more than capable of being organized and forthright when I need to.

No, what is really holding me back is fear. Fear of being in a strange place all alone, of not knowing any one, of getting sick far away from American medicine and home, of eating meals alone, of not having anyone to share the experiences with, of getting robbed or attacked, of not speaking the language, of having a bad time, and of being lonely.

And what would my life be without this fear?? I would be free to travel alone, and all the world would open up before me. And what am I getting by holding onto this fear?? The grey dismay of seeing my life and dreams pass me by.

And in reality, if I am not having a good time, I can simply get on a plane and come home early

And so, I am heading off to stay in a colonial village in Mexico for a month. I don’t know anyone who lives there, I don’t speak the language, I have never been to Mexico and I have never traveled alone.

And I am leaving on January 29th.